I just saw a headline: "Stop Answering Your Child's Questions"
Well first off, how about a big fat fuck that?
Second, now I understand why I get so fucking judged and bullied over asking questions, if that's the route people are going to take.
Questions are how we learn. About the world, about history, about each other. Questions seem to have become taboo, but that's not right. We can't grow unless we learn and we can't learn unless we ask questions.
In this one episode of American Horror Story, there's this girl with straight blonde hair except she's got two thin, short little ringlet curls, one on either side of her face, and for some reason I just love that so much.
Unfortunately she dies in the first minute of the season.
But her ghost does show briefly a few times later!
realizing that being "too old" for things is a social construct is a freeing feeling too!
Gods, yes, absolutely! Fuck social constructs, everybody needs to just learn to live for themselves and flip off anyone who tries to make them feel guilty for it just because of society.
My birthday's in a little over a month and I'm actually dying for it for once...literally because there's a really high chance I'll get a visa card or something and ya'll just can't even imagine how much I could use that money. Yarn, photoshoot props, fabric, patterns, film...wait, when the fuck did I become so damn responsible?
Oh wait, I'm not -- I'd still use half the money on books and video games. And probably at least 1 new doll because I think I've developed an addiction. And you know what? I'm okay with that, because for over 10 years I was forced to have nothing to do with dolls because I was "too old" for them or whatever and fuck that shit.
Last night I dreamed that I caught two mice -- one of which was newborn mouse sized, but already furry and fully developed (and honestly so freaking cute it was ridiculous, but anyway) -- and that the next city that was taken over by these batshit...I don't even know what to call them, the kinds of people who took over Chicago (was it Chicago? I feel like that's wrong, but apparently I'm as bad at locations as I am at dates and times) took over my city next.
So yeah, uh...good dream and terrifying dream back to back, that's kinda rude.
what if you are allergic to honey tho
Then do not eat honey and move somewhere that allergies are much milder
Also, today is fuck-it Friday, and for me that usually means there are literally no rules...this fuck-it Friday, however, there is one rule -- I am not allowed to crochet.
My poor arm needs the proper break, even though I think I may be addicted to crocheting now and really want to.
So, I'm good with having no friends -- really, I'm still just as happy now as I was last month when I did have some, I do not base my worth or happiness or whatever anything else on having friends (still confused on this concept that I'm apparently "toxic," but that's beside the point)...but apparently the lack of even that small amount of socialization does make me more self-conscious about socializing. But also I'm autistic and have had social anxiety since I was like 10, so it honestly takes almost nothing to make this happen.
Life Hack: If you have allergies, eat local raw honey.
It has to be local, within 20 miles of your house, and it has to be raw -- you can't cook it in food, you can't put it in tea, if it heats up it loses the effect. I don't know why, but I know it for a fact because my mom actually uses honey for cooking weirdly often but it's only if she has a tablespoon raw that it works. Dip crackers or dry bagles or bread or apples or something in it. Get it from farmer's markets, those fancy organic grocery stores, hell my mom even used to get it from the horse feed store we used to go to.
The results for the contest are being posted today, throughout the day because instagram only allows 10 photos per post, and I know the 1st one is up but it's taking all my willpower not to go ahead and look because I agreed to wait for mom so we can both look tonight when it's all up, since she helped me with a lot of the photos.
Fuck-it Friday is literally the only time I abide by clocks -- because by midnight Thursday night I've successfully managed to burn myself out so hard I need the extra 6 hours of recovery time.
No complaints though. I love doing so much.
If it helps, I keep my chapstick in a little tea bag tin that helps me keep track of them. Also, I used to keep them in my purse, which also helped. (I get really nasty dry lips all the time too.) :)
Ooh, this is actually a really good idea! I'll have to do something like this from now on.
I'm writing 10 books at once.
I just counted. Holy fuck. And this isn't even counting my fanfiction stuff that I'm always working on on and off.
And this is on top of crocheting chemo caps to donate and doll hats to sell, making rabbit plushies to donate, making masks to sell, and doing art fight.
What the fuck is wrong with me????
In other news, there's going to be another photography contest in August that I'm going to enter!
Yeah...ya'll can say it...I didn't just lose my mind, it has left the damn planet.
Missing rping but not at all missing your former rp partner is a very strange and annoying feeling that has no fix.
Also I can't let myself crochet any more today because my hand was starting to hurt, but now that I'm not crocheting I don't know what else to do. Nothing sounds appealing and that is also annoying.
Uh...guys...I'm dangerously close to trying to write six books at once again...
Okay, I put my headphones on and watched one of my favorite movies that I haven't seen in years while playing ESO -- I feel better now. Back to being a functioning human being.
Also fireworks have officially started and even though my little dog is behaving quite well, I think she's also still quite nervous, but trying to be good because she's my emotional support pipsqueak. I love her so much <3
Aaaand now there's sirens.
Okay, fuck it. I'm breaking my own rules, but holidays do break all the rules, whether it's for good or bad. The neighbors are getting louder by the minute and I actually feel drained, plus the entire freaking universe being in retrograde or whatever is jacking up energy to begin with.
I am going back to ESO.
It's the 4th of July. To most this means fireworks, parties, grilling, family, ect. ect.
To me, this year it means nothing. In the country, it's another reason to bug my mom about a bonfire (seriously, I'll use literally any little reason to beg for fire, I'm a pyro) and eat steak. In the suburbs, it's just an annoying day that constantly pokes at my PTSD and sensory sensitivities and keeps me busy with on-edge dogs and my mother.
To my mother, the 4th of July means nostolgia over every single good 4th of July we've had in the past, and that means depression, negativity, sulking, ect ect.
I'm trying very hard to write and be productive, I do want to write and be productive, but holy fuck ya'll. I'm an empath! Mom's energy is literally weighing me down. And maybe this sounds heartless and insensitive and whatever, but I am an island, so I cannot afford to be flooded. Not until I become a queendom.
To anyone who needs to hear this right now:
You are allowed to be negative sometimes.
You are allowed to feel hurt
You are allowed to be upset
You are allowed to have a bad moment, a bad day
You are allowed to let those horrible feelings run through you, drag you down, cripple you.
You are allowed to process the bad shit as well as the good, so that in the end you can come out the other side stronger for it all.
I've been writing so many first drafts on wattpad lately that now that I'm working on the second chapter of a final draft, its' actually weird to me that nobody will see the first chapter until the book's entirely done and published.
Not gonna lie, this is a little painful. I wanna know what people think.